Founded in the fall of 1991, Laurel Moon is Brandeis' oldest, national literary publication. Each issue we publish features original work from undergraduate students.
When they told me there were problems with the supports in the walls of my house,
They told me they could fix it and though sometimes the walls felt a little crooked
I was able to see it as okay
it was okay
But what they don't tell you is sometimes when the wall supports are broken
it's because of a crack in the foundation
And cracks in your foundation aren't as easy to fix
A crack in the foundation ruins everything in the house
I am expected to just add a fresh coat of paint on the house
as if that will hide from others and me the creaks every time I walk
as if that will make me ignore the fact that at any second,
The floors can break and it will fall apart
And I will fall apart
The inspector says
"There's a problem with your foundation,
It's why there's a problem with the floors and walls and ceilings and piping
We don’t know what’s wrong exactly
We cannot help you
But if you wait a few years, you might be able to have a professional"
As if a few years from now, this house will still be standing
As if there will not be permanent damage
As if a few years from now, when a professional comes they can "erase it"
As if there were no cracks all those years, as if the cracks didn't get worse
They do not realize the fear of living inside this house every day
They do not realize how bad it is when things are falling apart
They tell me to wait a few years, that it isn't that long
And I try my best to repair it,
But I am no professional
And I only have some tools
An amateur toolbox is not a replacement for an actual repairman
But that's what they ask me to do
But I do not know how much longer I can try to hold up this house
At this point in time, I'm just trying to hold it up enough
To not fall completely apart
I just don't want to feel so afraid of my house
I just want to be able to live here and know I can survive