Founded in the fall of 1991, Laurel Moon is Brandeis' oldest, national literary publication. Each issue we publish features original work from undergraduate students.
To a Lonely Soul,
Have you noticed that people are fascinating? These souls that have yearned to learn all they can. These souls that experience complex thoughts, emotions and problems. These souls who want more than to simply survive. They want an existence that feels worthy and happy. They often want to feel the sensation of a true smile spreading on their face. Laughing so hard that they are aware of their breath.
But it seems, these souls can feel like they are separate from the others. I notice the ones that feel lonely when surrounded by others, that feel like the struggle for survival is with and within their mind, that feel like they are hidden by a cloud that darkens their life. These individuals can forget that they are special and beautiful as they are and spend time convincing themselves that they aren’t as good as everyone else. You are good enough.
I know it feels like you’re the only lonely soul roaming around on Earth. Others try to give optimistic phrases that seem implausible of holding any worth. Hearing “life gets better” can seem a lie. Life is trying and not always easy to navigate. The bad parts of life don’t always disappear, but your resolve builds. People and activities give comfort and worth into life. They’re rays of sunshine cutting paths in the abyss of internal struggles. The good from their rays works in tandem with the pain, making a delicate dance of light and darkness.
Though often, lonely souls put up a shield to save others from their problems. But hiding doesn’t stop the static inside. Waking up to coerce a smile made from lies brings only more pain. People want to help, but can’t see you as you are when you wear a mask. Sometimes, it can feel as if you don’t deserve love. But love doesn’t have a price. You don’t have to be “good enough” just to feel cared for. You yourself is merit enough for compassion from others. Love is the most important gift one can give. Give love to the world, give it to others. But the most significant love you’ll ever have is to yourself.
Others notice you and your worth. When you beat down on yourself, they want and try to show you how wonderful you are. You might show love to others, yet can’t seem to return that care to yourself. You deserve to love yourself.
Being alone can seem the best sometimes to being around others. It’s a way to remove yourself from others which can feel like “what they want”. Your isolation isn’t a salvation to others. Self-sabotage isn’t selfless. Your existence matters to others, regardless of what you might think.
There is a word in Japanese, Kintsugi, for a way of fixing cracks and fractures. They use liquid gold, repairing the object to make it even more beautiful. Cracks and trials don’t ruin you, they help rebuild you, make you stronger and more radiant than before.
When trying to improve, falling back when you were better hurts. It makes a revival of yourself seem impossible. But life isn’t black and white and clear cut. Change isn’t just all or nothing, it has layers and isn’t usually linear.
I know that the world can feel cold, but that’s why we have candles. A pinpoint of light in the dark. Pandora’s box released all the darkness into the world, but hope was captured inside the box. Sometimes hope feels gone, but perseverance to keep searching, to keep fighting, to keep breathing wins out over the chaos and pain.
This letter might seem a too optimistic for a view on life. You might push away any positivity because darkness clouds any hope or clarity. Maybe you feel incapable of being a whole soul. Maybe you fear that feeling content and complete can’t last; that it is better to feel the same then to get your hopes up. Maybe that’s just me, but that’s a part of being lonely soul. I’m spreading messages of hope that I don’t yet fully believe. But I’m trying and that’s the most important thing anyone, a lonely soul or not, can do.
Love,
Another Lonely Soul